10 Commandments of Surviving A Breakup

10 Commandments of Surviving A Breakup

By: Taga Ibaan Ako

Breaking up with someone you love is never an easy thing to do, much more accepting the fact that it’s your partner who broke up with you. But whoever drew the first blood, whether it’s your fault or the other way around, you will still find yourself circling around pain…and it hurts… a lot.

Unfortunately, that’s the natural thing that comes along with it. It’s like you’re a still target taking a beating your own way, up to the point that you loose sense of self pride and control. Which of course, won’t be of any help if you intend to get out of the grave; not unless you want to rot in there.

So after you’ve lavished the pleasure of being in pain, the first objective that you set for yourself is to how you can survive and how to get another life after the breakup. The following might give you a sigh of relief in achieving that objective. But first, you need to have all the courage you can build around you and stop feeling like a looser.

1st Commandment: Let it all out.

So what if you’re dumped? It just needs a couple of hours of crying and sobbing on your pillow. Don’t bite your lips whenever you feel like crying, you’ll only have difficulty in breathing and have your teeth grinning. Worst, your jaw might get locked with your nose screaming like a clogged tunnel.

Crying is the best way to lighten the burden. And when you do, you just have to let things flow and let your body go weak until your tears have stopped flooding your eyes. And when you get tired of it, stop thinking, at least you can try, about that bastrard or the things he/she said before after she bade goodbye. Better yet think of the best tasting cake or chocolate you’ll eat after your body gives up. Crying can make you hungry anyway. You’ll soon make it through the mourning stage.

2nd Commandment: Stop rationalizing every little thing he/she said.

Things have been said and done. And this time, all you need is some loud music to deafen your ears. You don’t have to be a blank wall with his/her voice keeps bouncing back and forth. The more you become so conscious about it, the more questions popping in your head; and the more questions there is, the more difficult to find answers. In the end, the more you get trapped in angry stage.

It is therefore better to feel and be like a moron, even for this particular moment only.

3rd Commandment: Don’t be a loner.

You were doing fine on your own before you met him/her. Then how come you can’t bring your old self back now. There might be a part of you that was taken away, but it doesn’t mean you’ve lost the world. But yes, I agree it’s really not that easy. So in order to bring yourself back to life, you can rely on the people around you. You have your friends, your family and others who love you unconditionally from the start. They can all provide you the lifeline you need during those dark days. Anyway, unconsciously, you’ve taken them for granted during the time when you’re still in cloud 9 with your ex. This is the opportunity for you to rekindle your ties with them. No way will they give you another heart breaking experience. This will help you forget about going through the lonely stage.

4th Commandment: Resist the urge to beg.

It’s not that you don’t have to do anything to save the relationship. But when do something for the glory of love, keep yourself composed. If you’re to burn your time dwell on the fact that it’s over, it will only make you become obsessed of your ex. Thus, the tendency to beg develops.

Bringing yourself on your knees may work, but still it’s not a guarantee. Showing how weak you are without your ex sometimes only tend to feed his/her ego and may only further hurt the relationship. You can pity yourself for that, but pity yourself more if your ex fails to see what you’re trying to do. Worst, don’t wait until he/she become so fed up your “please-love-me-again” tactics. They’ll only be afraid of what you can do in case the relationship the second time fails again. Welcome then to obsessed stage.

5th Commandment: No contact.

Let’s make this simple. Stop talking with him/her! Doing so might only lead to breaking the fifth commandment, given the opportunity.

In case it’s your ex whose trying to contact you, let’s say to comfort you and make you feel better by telling you that he/she is not worthy of your love, don’t give in. Give yourself time to think things over. Your ex might have other agenda trying to be nice with you after ditching you off the road.

Another way to do this is to stop going to places your ex is frequenting. It may only make you look like a dog sniffing for your ex’s piss. You may talk with his/her friends, but drop him/her from your list of agenda and avoid them making you contemplate on your failed relationship with their friend. Just brush them aside. You’ll be able to complete then the pretension stage.

6th Commandment: Don’t be in a hurry to get a replacement.

Getting a replacement overnight oftentimes become every dumpee’s way to get even with their ex. Although we’ve mentioned that you don’t need to a loner after the breakup, this does not fall in that premise. A relationship this fast is just like a juice-in-a-minute that only makes thirst for another after emptying the first glass. The cycle of revenge then goes on and on.

Plus, you’re only being unfair with your new partner, specially when your ex’s memory keeps on hunting you. In end, this might only result to you making a comparison between the new one and your ex, hoping that the new one can and will love you like or better than your ex. It won’t be a surprise then to find you get dumped again, which is the start of the longing stage.

7th Commandment: Clean your closet.

How can you move on if your ex’s picture still hangs in your room’s wall? With all of those things he has given still scattered over your bed, can you imagine how you’ll be able to survive? What, you still want to dream of your ex when you sleep? Cut the crap!

At this stage, it high time that you take them away, but not necessarily burning them off. You just need to keep them in box, just to keep them out of your sight. And when you feel like you’ve gotten over the breakup, you can still look at them. This might even give you the strength and inspiration to go on, even make you realize not to commit the same mistake again, if there’s any. But when are you going to completely throw them? When the right one comes along.

8th Commandment: Keep yourself busy.

Make a change in your life. Change your everyday routines. Get out of your house and stop acting like a nun in a monastery. No one will stop you from joining different activities.

There are so many worthwhile things you can do instead of thinking of committing suicide to have your ex live with guilt. Or maybe you can do those things that your ex forbids you from doing or those things that you fail to do when you were still together. Take a hobby, like cooking, and imagine yourself chopping your ex’s heart into tiny slices. This preoccupied stage will surely give you a different perspective about life after the breakup.

9th Commandment: Keep the faith.

Assuming you’ve given everything to your ex, then got dumped. Should that be a perfect reason to curse everyone? Breeding hatred in your pocket won’t give you peace of mind after the breakup. Instead, you should open yourself with the possibility that there will always be someone out there to love you the way you wanted to be loved. If you keep running away, the right kind of love won’t be able to catch up with you and grow old without having a taste of sweet love’s grace. Is this what you want? I don’t think so. Then keep the faith, beat the odds on this taking-risk stage.

10th Commandment: Be and feel beautiful.

Shape up or be doomed. As simple as that. Fix and reinvent yourself and show the world how beautiful you are. There’s no harm in doing that. Your ex might even be the one to beg to have you back when he hears the news how great looking you are now. After the tears have messed up your make-up, put them back on and start rebuilding your ego. Do the cat-walk and let it be known that you didn’t lose any bit of your life. It’s not your lost, it’s your ex’s lost. Spread the news. This is the new-life stage.

Nobody wants you to suffer like hell. It’s an acceptable fact of life that nothing lasts forever, no matter how hard you try to keep things in place. Stop punishing yourself and start conscious healing. There’s no one else to blame but yourself if you keep on living a miserable life. You’re the first to know what to do.

To close, I would like to remind you to be on guard so as not to fall prey for others waiting to take advantage your misery. You may go out on a date, but set some boundaries and limitations to yourself. Let your dating partner know about it. Be preoccupied and keep yourself busy. These will allow you to endure the forgetting stage. Just plush your ex’s memory off your thoughts and let love find its place again in your heart the passionate way.